It’s that time of year when people are asking – what do you want for Christmas? Life can be like Christmas, sometimes we know exactly what we want and other times we haven’t got a clue!
I don’t know what I want, but I know what I don’t want!
We can get so overwhelmed by life that all we know is what we don’t want. The problem with this is that the more we focus on what we don’t want, the more we are going to find exactly that – what we don’t want!
Another challenge to knowing what we want can be that we may have developed a tendency to hear what other people want and this over time drowns out our own dreams and desires. The next stage to this is when we become propelled forward by what other people want for us – what individuals and society say we “should” do.
With all this going on it’s hardly surprising that we sometimes get so removed from what we know, deep down inside, feels right for us and what we truly desire in life. This is an uncomfortable and exhausting place to be in. Without a clear idea of what is important to us, we get caught up in surviving a life that seems without direction or purpose.
Clarifying what you want can be scary – it is about taking responsibility for your next steps and about venturing out of your comfort zone (see my previous blog) and this is hard especially if you are worn-out.
Here are a few questions to help you make a start:
- Turn your negatives round. For example if you don’t want to be overwhelmed then what is the opposite for you – would it be calm? Focused? Able to prioritise?
- When things are better/different what will that be like?
- How will you know that things are better, better in what way?
- What will you be doing/seeing/thinking/feeling when things are better?
- How about creating a mood board of images that represent ‘better’ or write your responses down in a journal.
Now, reviewing all the information from the above, can you work out what you really want to have happen next?
Write it down, make it positive, make it personal (about you) and bring it into the present – I am calm and focused. Say it out aloud, and practise saying it in different ways. Make adjustments until it feels right.
Next you can start to find ways to express what is important to you and what you want. You can begin to share your ideas, get support and take action.
Coaching can help you gain clarity about what you want and help you move forward. If you want to find out more check out the personal coaching pages or see Association for Coaching for a directory of accredited coaches.